introduction
The significance of Daniel Goleman’s 1995 finding that emotional intelligence (EQ) can predict success just as accurately, if not more accurately, than Intelligence Quotient (IQ). For the last couple of decades, numerous studies have supported the notion that people who know how to understand and regulate emotions (both their own and those of others) typically build more productive work relationships and make better decisions both personally and professionally.
Despite the considerable amount of research on the relationship between EQ and successful career outcomes, EQ is typically not taught in elementary, middle, high, or college educational curricula or in any formal training programs.
Understanding the psychological, communicative, and personal growth aspects of EQ will help individuals learn how to cope with stress, manage conflict, and develop relationships that are both emotionally and socially fulfilling.
Today, as we live under ever-increasing pressure, utilize digital platforms for communication and experience emotional overload, EQ is no longer relegated into the category of “soft skill” but has emerged as an essential Core Skill for Life.
In this article, I propose that enhancing your EQ starts with (1) developing a better sense of self-awareness, (2) mastering your ability to regulate your emotions, and (3) developing your ability to practice empathy and build positive relationships to be stronger and healthier.
Emotional Intelligence Foundations: Self-Awareness
Recognizing Your Feelings
Self-awareness is the ability to recognize your emotions, what triggers them, your strengths, and what limitations you have as you experience them. Research conducted within organizational psychology supports that high self-awareness correlates with better leadership capabilities, greater relationship strength, and overall higher satisfaction in one’s life.
- Some of the essential components of becoming emotionally self-aware include:
- Being able to identify the exact emotion you have and understanding why you feel that way
- Identifying emotional triggers and repeating patterns
- Understanding how your feelings affect how you behave and make decisions
For instance: if you notice while reading a performance review that your manager’s comments about certain behaviors triggered feelings of defensiveness, this allows you to pause, think about how you should respond, and then choose to respond constructively rather than simply reacting quickly.
In the Workplace: Data and Practical Application
The Harvard Business Review published a landmark study that indicated that leaders with higher levels of self-awareness were perceived as being more effective, more trustworthy by their teams, and better prepared to manage conflict. However, being self-aware isn’t exclusively about leadership; self-aware individuals tend to communicate better and exhibit personal accountability for their actions.
Ways to Develop Greater Self-Awareness
- Define Your End State Before You Begin a New Endeavor
- Track Your Emotional and Behavioral Patterns Throughout a Day
- Practice Mindfulness or Meditation
- Seek Out Honest Feedback from Individuals You Trust
- How Self-Awareness Differs from Self-Reflection
- Self-awareness requires an accurate and accountable recognition of oneself; therefore, it is more proactive than just reflecting on one’s feelings.
- A way to handle emotional reactions, but not to hide them.
Why is emotional regulation Important
Emotional regulation refers to the ability to effectively handle your feelings when times are stressful or overwhelming. It does not mean to bury or hide your emotions; rather, it is being able to understand your feelings and respond to the feelings mindfully instead of automatically reacting.
Poor emotional regulation can lead to:
*More arguments with others.
*Ongoing slash chronic stress and burnout.
*Make poor decisions due to impulsivity and regret later.
On the other hand, individuals with high degrees of emotional intelligence are able to have very strong emotions while still not allowing those strong emotions to cause them to engage in harmful behaviour.
What are some Research-supported Techniques for Emotional Regulation?
According to neuroscience research, when individuals name their emotions (for example, ‘I feel frustrated’), they have decreased function in the emotional centre of their brain (the amygdala) and increased function in the brain’s (the prefrontal cortex) rational thought processing area.
Some examples of effective techniques for Emotional Regulation are:
*Using cognitive reframing – looking at a situation or experience from an objective viewpoint.
*Using pause-and-breathe Techniques – putting some time between how you feel and how you act.
*Using stress recovery Habits, such as Sleep, Exercise, and Boundary setting.
Example from Real Life:
In an argument at work, an emotionally regulated person would actively listen to the person, acknowledge that they feel frustrated, and suggest potential solutions instead of escalating the argument.
What is Different between Suppressing Emotions and Managing Emotions?
Hiding your emotions can oftentimes result in ’emotional leakage’ (passive aggression, resentment towards others, and possibly exhaustion or burnout). By understanding and working with your feelings, you lay the groundwork for long-term emotional wellness and for building greater trust in your relationships with others.
Empathy and Social Skills: Cultivating Connection Via Emotional Intelligence
Empathy Acts To Enhance Connection
Empathy allows us to empathize with the feelings of others. Empathy makes it possible for us to empathize, which is one of the very basic emotions that have their roots in emotional intelligence, which is ultimately the basis for positive relations with other humans. Multiple studies in social psychology support the many benefits of an empathetic approach to one’s environment, including greater cooperation, conflict resolution, and emotional bonding among individuals and within groups.
The components of Empathy are:
- Emotional Empathy (Fully experiencing the feelings of others)
- Cognitive Empathy (Understanding the cognitive perspective of others)
- Compassionate Action (Providing empathic care).
- Communicating With Emotional Intelligence
Emotionally intelligent
communication is characterized by clearly expressing emotions, communicating with respect for others and being aware of the emotions of the participants in the exchange. Some examples of these elements of emotional communication are:
- Actively listening to what the person is saying without interrupting the speaker.
- Validating the speaker’s feelings before problem-solving.
- Altering the way in which one communicates based on the particular circumstances of the exchange.
For example, instead of saying, “You’re overreacting,” an empathetic response would be to state, “I understand this is a difficult situation for you—let’s sort through this together.”
How Emotionally Intelligent Relationships Differ
Emotionally intelligent relationships, in contrast to relationships that are based on superficial politeness and scripted forms of communication, are based upon:
- Creation of an emotionally safe environment for communication.
- The creation of mutual understanding between communicators.
- Honest and respectful communication.
All three of these skills are critically important in the practice of effective leadership, parenting, partnerships, and teamwork because these areas are where emotions have the greatest impact on the resulting outcomes.
In conclusion
emotional intelligence is not a vague idea but rather a concrete, learnable group of skills that helps you know yourself and relate to others better. The article provided evidence that having a strong sense of self (self-awareness) is the first building block of emotional intelligence; being able to control what you do when you are upset/emotional (emotion regulation) helps avoid making damaging choices; and being able to understand how other people think/feel and respond to them appropriately (empathy) helps build strong relationships and enhance communication between people.
Given that work environments will become increasingly collaborative and as personal relationships continue to grow more complicated, emotional intelligence will be a vital component for both professional and personal success. If you want to thrive in the next decade (or beyond), you must develop skills that combine logical thinking with the ability to use your feelings in making decisions.
What to do:
- Notice your own feelings but do not judge them.
- Consider how you might develop your responses to stress more thoughtfully.
- Listen to other people sincerely and deeply.
By regularly practicing all of the above actions and developing emotional intelligence through daily committed practice, you not only feel better, you will also create an extraordinary impact on how you will live and connect with others.